“Hello, this is your Spirit Airline pilot speaking. We are currently flying at 30,000 feet and at this time feel free to move about the cabin. If you’re hungry check out our menu located in the seat back pockets in front of you. In your non-stop value menu you’ll find multiple in-flight snack options. For a snack try one of our Bundle Up package deals including Pringle’s Hot as Hell potato chips and M & M’s homestyle brimstone baked cookies; both snacks only available for purchase on Spirit Airlines. For the mile-high alcoholics try our specialized micro-brewed lager Purgatory. And For a limited time Spirit Air is serving its specialty mixed drink Satan’s Piss. A sinful concoction of Bacardi 151, Tabasco sauce and a pinch of charred flesh. A Bottle of water is $3 or manual-labor in our pit of affliction everyday for the rest of eternity. Payment methods include Visa, MasterCard and your soul. Momentarily, flight attendants will be walking down the isle to take orders and yours and your loved one’ souls. My name is Lucifer and on the behalf of the crew; thank you for flying Spirit Air. Spirit Air: sell your soul with us!”
*Spirit Air accepts yours or your child’s soul as payment methods. To sell your child’s soul you must be their lawful parent, wretched, and have greed comparable to King Midas. Spirit Air practices a strict no return policy; all sales are final. Any views or opinions expressed in this text are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company. Spirit Air is not
Iiable for any torment, anguish or despair your soul will experience in the netherworld.
Spirit Air should have never charged me 3 bucks for water…